there's paper in my vomit.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
