omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
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