I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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