It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I just threw up on my dentist
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
