i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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