so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Just pee around me
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
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