dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
