a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
