I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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