Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
