My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
