come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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