I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
