I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
