I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
