this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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