so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
