Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
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