i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Randomize
