did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Randomize
