Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Randomize
