No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
You were trust falling into bushes
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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