you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
