Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
