i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize
