goodnight i made you a song goodbye
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Randomize
