Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I just found puke in my bra..
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
