I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
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