I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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