Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
