Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
