she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
