does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Randomize
