Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
