when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Randomize
