I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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