note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
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