So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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