I think i peed on brittanys purse
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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