Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Randomize
