it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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