I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Randomize
