nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
