so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
