i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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