HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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