Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Randomize
