Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
