The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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