i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
